I started blogging three months after losing my husband and screenwriting partner to suicide. Tony killed himself December 21st. The title of this blog is a reference to the six words the police officer used to tell me what had happened, six words that changed my world forever. Words are powerful. Words matter. I am using them to tell the truth about what happened with Tony. About the experience of being a survivor of a loved one’s suicide. About myself.


18 thoughts on “About

  1. Aimee
    I wanted to tell you that my daughter just called me to tell me that she read the link I sent to her from your site. She said, “Mom I read her website and it’s sad but it makes me feel better some how knowing the other side of what could happen if I did decide to go.” Thank you for writing this blog Aimee.

    • Michelle, I can’t tell you how glad I am to read this. The thing about depression is that it lies to you. Tony thought that nobody cared, and after he died people on six continents showed how much they did. Your daughter is more loved than she knows. I’ve never met you or her, but I’m sure of it.

      • That is so true. I used to tell Alex that what she thought was real really wasn’t it just seemed real. But she always says but mom to me it is. It is hard to make sense of all of that. My Uncle suffers from anxiety and depression and quits functioning for months at a time. He is now on the brighter side of things. It is amazing how much depression lies. Thank you for your kind words.

      1. Thank you so much! I really appreciate that. I am going to check it out right now, and will make sure to pass it on. This just made my day 🙂
  2. Hello sweet friend. I have nominated you for the Sweet Blogger award, http://wp.me/p3mUBo-16V
    .I normally do not send out these awards but someone dear to me seemed to think it is important so I want to honor their kindness in sending this to you. You can follow the rules or be like me and be a rule breaker. Today I want you to know you make a difference in my life! Thank you!

  3. A year and three quarters later for you, ‘ I am sorry for your’ loss seems inadequate for what you’ve gone through.

    I found this blog in the midst of another family’s loss and started reading. You see, I don’t understand this thing, suicide. I’ve been searching, hoping to understand why and how this thing that hurts so many, can happen. I don’t know, I think with fear comes a search for way to try to learn to protect everyone around me. But it turns out, there’s no one magic pill, no vaccine I can stock in my arsenal to keep us safe and healthy.

    Your love, and pain, and ability write about both sides of the same loss is, well, causing my heart to ache and my fears to creep in….what if…what if…what if this ever happens to someone I love? I weep for your loss, I weep from fear, and I worry that even thinking such things is somehow tempting fate but for now, I only hope anyone in pain finds you too, so there is some hope they’ll see there is love and life waiting for them if they can just hold out. I’ve never been there so don’t know if it is possible to see through the pain of deep depression, just my hope.

    I apologize if I’ve intruded or if my words have failed to adequately convey what I am trying to say but I wanted you to know, your Tony has touched my heart and you’ve touched my heart. To repay your generosity, I will try to honor your husband with some kindness tomorrow. And I will pray for you both. And I will pray no one else ever needs to feel the pain you’ve felt these past days.

    Really, I’m so sorry for your loss.

    • Andrea, you have not intruded. Thank you so much for your kind words. Suicide is a very scary thing — it’s still scary to me, the word itself makes my heart clench with fear. It’s a natural reaction. It’s such a difficult thing to understand, I think even for people who study it. How does someone not suicidal, not in that state, even begin to wrap their mind around the act itself. Thank you for reading. Thank you for HEARING. And thank you for spreading kindness.

  4. I discovered your blog last night and read it from beginning to end. You have such a gift for writing and expressing your feelings. I hardly know what to say except that I am so sorry for your loss. I am so thankful you shared your story. I’ve never lost anyone to suicide but I’ve lost good friends to alcoholism/drug addictions and to me that almost seems like suicide. I laid in bed last night thinking about the many things you wrote about. I learned so much from your words and what survivors of suicide go through. The death of Robin Williams hit me hard and I’ve found myself crying for a man I didn’t even know and feeling so sad for the pain and despair he was feeling and hiding from the world. God Bless his soul. .

    I pray for peace to find you. Thank you for the courage you’ve shown in telling your story and for your part in educating others about depression and suicide.

    • Gail, thank you so much for reading. And thank you for this message. When I started this blog I knew that writing it would help me, but the more I write the more I realize how misunderstood depression and mental illness are. I think you’re right about alcoholism — someone I love is battling that now and it is very similar. It’s self-destructive and I see the same kind of reluctance to get help that I saw in my husband. It’s heartbreaking. I think there’s a reason that substance abuse and mental illness are often grouped together — and incidentally, also limited in coverage. Thank you, again and again, for reading.

  5. Hey Aimee, so you decided to become a Newbie Spikey!
    (for your info, a Spikey is the term for folk who are part of the clan known to be followers of Uncle Spike 🙂

    I wanted to catch up and say “thank you… I really appreciate your ‘follow’ as I for one, know how many interesting and entertaining blogs are out there.” It is so sad that you found me through the loss of dear Rhonda, but I hope as a community, we can honour her through our work.

    Blogging since June 2013, my aim is to deliver an eclectic offering of posts, from my ‘point n shoot’ attempts at basic photography, to the sharing of my travel adventures over the decades, as well as day to day happenings here on the farm. Oh, plus a few observations, opinions and lighter-hearted stuff thrown in for good measure.

    I normally keep to a couple of posts a day, maybe 3-4 at weekends if I have something special to share. But if you are at a loose end one day, maybe you’ll enjoy trawling through some of my older stuff too. I have added plenty of categories to help in said digging process.

    Thanks again and hope you have a great day…


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